||[Aug. 16th, 2008|11:40 am]
i'm going to attempt a "real" entry.|
so i graduated in june, and i'm still job-hunting. i hung out with chris mele last weekend, and he's trying to help me get a job at flagler hospital. it's a long drive, but certainly better than having no job at all. i've been typing transcripts for my uncle to make money in the meantime, and thank god for that, because school supplies are not cheap, as i discovered yesterday.
ella is starting kindergarten on monday, and owen is going to be in the early education program at the same school for another year. norman and i took them to orientation this week and met their teachers. ella is very excited, and owen is not. he usually needs a couple of weeks to adjust to new situations, or, in this case, readjust to a situation.
ella also lost her first two baby teeth this month, and is very proud of herself. she's such a kid now, not a toddler or preschooler. she's also one of the funniest, most incredible people i've ever met. i'm so grateful for my children. i truly can't imagine my life as a non-parent; parenthood defines and colors who i am, in the best way.
owen is doing well. as most people in my life know, he was diagnosed with pervasive developmental delay (pdd) a couple of months ago. it's in the autism spectrum, but is not full-blown autism. he sees three therapists every week. it's expensive and difficult, but he's making so much progress. he's the sweetest little boy who loves his big sister. seeing the relationship between the two of them grow is wonderful. ella is the best at getting owen to talk. she really wants to bring him out, and she is.
i've been working through a lot of complicated relationships in my life this year. it's a hard area for me. i have difficulty with relationships changing, even when the change is beneficial. i don't know how to redefine people in my life, and i hate it when i feel things are unresolved, as they almost always are. it's something i'm learning to accept, as not everyone wants to rehash everything, and it usually does no good, anyway. particularly when the person is dishonest to an unnerving degree.
i'm learning to accept that not everyone is going to like me, even people who don't know me at all. its not fun to feel there is a pervasive image of you that in no way relates to who you know you are. it's comforting that the people who really know me don't subscribe to it. i'm someone who tries very hard to treat people fairly and do the right thing. i'm far, far from being perfect, obviously, but it amazes me how some people can do truly terrible things, and get angry at the people who they hurt. i suppose when someone treats another person badly, it's easier to villainize the person you are mistreating, or dismiss them.
life is funny.
i'm not sure how i got on this tangent. it seems to be a theme for me this year. i know this is pretty vague, but it relates to a few different things. i mean, i'm not angry at anyone. i just get so frustrated when my best attempts with people fail. i don't divide people into "good" and "bad." there are just some i can't seem to understand, no matter how hard i try. i guess it's enough just to have some peace.
overall, i'm really happy right now. i have some of the most amazing people in my life, and i have no doubt they will always be there. my late 20s are teaching me a lot. i'm actually looking forward to 30. i think it's going to be a time of a lot of growth for me.